All I Want For Christmas....

As we opened our piles of Christmas cards, the recurring comments were, "I can't believe they're all looking at the camera!" Or, "How are they are ALL smiling?" You see, all I want for Christmas is ONE NICE FAMILY PICTURE. I would even settle for a picture of the children. I would probably be OK with pleasant expressions. You know, I would likely accept a picture where everyone is simply looking at the camera. But, here's what I got......

Yet, in spite of the fact that I just cannot get even one good picture, these kiddo's surely do bring me J-O-Y. So, these candids from December will simply have to do.

The highlight of Taerik's month has been our neighbor's Christmas lights, which shine directly into the nursery window. Each and every night, we have to "ooh" and "aah" over them. 

We took the kids swimming on Christmas Eve. Keira would have launched herself off the diving board, if given half a chance, however the little boys spent most of the morning like this. 

And because I am regularly taking short little video clips of the triplets, I put this little collage together from some of their toddler tricks.

6 Week Ultrasound

This afternoon, at 3:00 PM, Rob and I went for our 6 week ultrasound. Due to my hcg levels not rising normally, Dr. Keenan suggested that we had about a 50/50 chance of a viable pregnancy. Today we learned that, while one life had indeed implanted, it did not continue to grow. The ultrasound showed one, empty, six-week gestational sac. Though our hearts are saddened at the loss of life, God has given us so much peace about this. All along this journey we have maintained that we are not doing this for our personal desires. Rather, we are following the path that we so very clearly believe God has asked us to travel. This is our sacrifice of obedience to Him. Since October, that sacrifice has included 112 pills, 77 injections, 5 blood draws, 4 ultrasounds, and several thousand dollars. (And yes, I counted.) The words of David in 2 Samuel 24:24 ring loudly in my ears this evening -

"I will not offer burnt offerings to the Lord my God that cost me nothing."

 Our current plan is to return for our two remaining embryos in May. This will allow my body some time to rest and will get us through several major commitments this spring before starting up all over again. Thank you so much for all your prayers! They are working!!! Numerous times I have commented to Rob that God has given me such a sense of peace. There have been no tears over today's news, but rather an increased trust in God's sovereign plans! And that is a GOOD outcome!

Beta #3

We went into today's blood test fully prepared to hear that my hcg levels had gone down and I could stop taking all meds as I await a miscarriage. We were already making plans to go back in January for our remaining two embryos. So, we were quite surprised to hear the nurse say that my levels had actually risen from 359 (Monday) to 681 today. Technically, these numbers should have doubled (718) and they are still considered low for 16 days post-transfer. But, the fact that they are rising certainly leaves a good possibility that one (and we're pretty sure it's just one) baby is still growing and developing inside. Dr. Keenan is ordering an ultrasound for late next week to look for a heartbeat. Until then, we continue to wait.....

"It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.

It is good for a man that he bear the yoke in his youth."

(Lamentations 3:26-27)

Beta #2

This morning I went in for beta test #2. A healthy pregnancy should have hcg levels at least around 700. My results came back at 359. The doctor would like me to go back for a third test on Wednesday morning, but if that number doesn't rise drastically, then it would appear that my body will miscarry both babies very soon.

"It is the LORD. Let him do what seems good to him."

I Samuel 3:18

 

Thankful

The results are in --- we are officially pregnant again! At 10 days after transfer, the clinic hopes to see a beta hcg level close to 100. Due to the holidays, I was cleared to have mine at the 8 day, 18 hour mark. My numbers came back at 132. So, this is a really solid number that leaves us fairly confident that at least one more little Fuller will be joining us this summer sometime. I will go back Monday morning for test #2, followed several days later by an ultrasound. There are certainly fears - especially considering that much of this day has been spent travelling to Iowa with five children in a very small space. However, we can vividly remember holidays when we wondered if we would ever have any children at all, and so a house filled with them is certainly something for which we are THANKFUL.

***The triplets were napping in the car when we got this news, so after finally arriving at grandma's house and getting ready for bed, we decided to share the exciting news with them.

Babies On Board

Here we are, smiling on the outside. 

Here is how we are feeling on the inside.

I was quite literally shaking like a leaf....until I received my Valium, of course. So many emotions!!! As we sat waiting, along with a number of other couples awaiting transfers, we could sense the excitement in the air. We watched and listened as each one was called back. We watched as husbands tenderly attended to their wives and kissed them lovingly before being wheeled away. Then the nurse called for "Heidi Fuller" and my husband shouted out, "Say 'hi' to the kids for me, babe." A very touching moment indeed.

The procedure went smoothly, and so we would like to introduce you to the two newest members of our family. Aren't they cute?



These two were the only ones they thawed and they did so well during the thawing process, that the doctor could not ethically justify thawing any more. Baby on the left was graded 5AA (a perfect score) and baby on the right was graded 3AB (still quite good). We now just rest, wait, and pray. Our pregnancy blood test is scheduled for Wednesday, November 25, at which time we will find out if either of them survived.

With two embryo's still remaining frozen, our adoption journey is not yet complete. If this transfer does not end in pregnancy, we will likely head back in early 2016 for one final transfer. If God gives us a successful pregnancy this time, then we will likely begin this whole endeavor all over again in 2-3 years.

While this is not the outcome we were desiring, God is answering prayer. He is continuing to teach us how to pray. This past weekend, we listened to a message by John MacArthur on this very topic. Based on 2 Thessalonians 1:11-12, this noted pastor outlined the pattern of Paul's prayers ---

1. That we might walk worthy of our calling.
2. That God would fulfill every good desire.
3. That we would have a powerful service for God.

"To this end, we always pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of his calling, 

and may fulfill every resolve for good, and every work of faith by his power, 

so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, 

according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus." 

And so, we continue to remember that His plans are not our plans! They are higher! (Isaiah 55:8-9) And we say "thank you" to those He has been using to accomplish His plans. 

Dr. Jeffrey Keenan, Carol Sommerfelt (embryologist), and Lynda McCollum (IVF nurse) 

Embryo Adoption 101

Our embryo transfer is only 4 days away. 4 DAYS AWAY!!! Here are the stats for all who have asked.....and even those who haven't.

1. Our embryo's are called 5 day blastocysts. (Basically, they are 5 days past fertilization.)
2. We do not know for sure how long they have been frozen, but our guess is around 3-5 years.
3. Each embryo has about a 70% chance of surviving the thawing process. 
4. They will slowly be thawed, one at a time, on the morning of our transfer, by our nationally renowned embryologist, Carol Sommerfelt.
5. She will then study and grade them carefully.
1. First, a number is given (1-6) that states their expansion status. (Still inside the shell to completely hatched.)
2. A letter grade (A-D) is given to the quality of the inner cell mass. Keep in mind, that these little lives are currently only about 100 cells. 
3. A letter grade (A-D) is given to the quality of the outer layer, which is becoming the placenta. 
4. A perfect grade would be AA and would have the highest chances of survival. Having said that, the NEDC will not even destroy a DD. While it is highly unlikely that these would survive, they will at least be given a chance. 
5. If I remember correctly, our triplets (2 embryos) were graded 5AA and 5AB.
6. It is very likely that at least two embryo's will be thawed.  
7. Based on the grades of the first two, the embryologist will determine if she will thaw any more. 
1. If the first two thawed embryo's receive A's and B's, she would be extremely hesitant to thaw any more. The ideal transfer situation is 2 healthy embryo's. 
2. If the first two receive lower grades OR if one or more do not survive the thaw, she would be more willing to thaw another. 
3. We have expressed our desires - that if even one does not survive the thaw, to please transfer the remaining three regardless of their grades - however, the final decision rests in the hands of the doctor and embryologist. 
8. Dr. Keenan and Carol will come and meet with us just minutes before the procedure to tell us the number and quality of the embryo's they will be transferring. 
9. The actual procedure takes only about 15 minutes and then I am asked to remain restful for about 24 hours. 
10. Then, we wait. A blood pregnancy test will be scheduled for about 10 days later. 
11. Our chances of a successful transfer resulting in a confirmed pregnancy are about 50%.  

Prayers are SO VERY MUCH appreciated! I have been thinking much about how I am even supposed to pray. After quite a few near panic attacks, I certainly need to pray! And yet, what do I pray? I do not need to pray for God's presence, as He has already promised that (Heb. 13:5). I do not need to pray for His provision, as He has also promised that (Phil. 4:19). So, you see, lately I have been praying that God would teach me how to pray. And here is what I have come up with so far. 

• COURAGE  - Courage to do what I know He has called our family to do. (Joshua 1:9)
• PEACE - A quiet mind that rests in God's sovereign control. (Isaiah 26:3)
• BELIEF - "I believe; help my unbelief." (Mark 9:24)
• TRUST - Trust in my inner core that God's ways are always higher than mine. (Isaiah 55:8-9)

"The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up His countenance upon you and give you peace."  

(Numbers 6:24-26)

So very secondary to these requests, I have come to believe that there is a place for my own desires in my prayers, as well. And so lastly, I simply state them to God. It is my desire that we would only have to go through this one final transfer, and not need to go through this whole process ever again. I desire that we only add one more child to our family, preferably a sister for Keira. I desire a normal, healthy pregnancy without any risks or complications. Those are my desires. And yet, I think back to a time when we were pleading with the Lord for any children at all and have to almost chuckle at where we are now. He has proven that He is worth trusting!

Waiting For The Next Big Adventure

We are finally back home and have emerged from the piles of laundry and stacks of mail. We have recovered from the sickness that plagued our family through almost the entire FBS Family Tour. And now, we eagerly await our next big adventure on Monday, November 16, when we are scheduled for the transfer of our remaining frozen embryo's. I was so blessed yesterday to read these tremendous verses of encouragement in Psalms 34:4-5 -

"I sought the Lord and he answered me, 

and delivered me from all my fears.

Those who look to Him are radiant, 

and their faces shall never be ashamed."

I have begun the medical protocol and am currently taking daily injections in the stomach that serve to stop all ovarian production. I am also taking twice daily pills to increase estrogen. I passed my first ultrasound and lab tests last Wednesday, where they checked to make sure that everything is going properly. Assuming I pass another set of tests this week, I will then also begin the progesterone injections twice daily. We so much appreciate all the prayers and support that have been shown to us!

Though HUNDREDS of pictures were taken, here are a few behind-the-scenes highlights from our 10 day family ministry tour from Chicago to Indianapolis. 

Check out these pizzas from the kids menu at one fine restaurant we visited!!!Their arrival was followed by shouts of, "They really respect kids here."

Only two basic rules we insisted the kids follow at each church. 1.) No instruments and 2.) No baptisteries. They were getting dangerously close to their limits!

A visit to Legoland in Chicago proved to be one of the kids favorite adventures!